Thursday, August 19, 2010

Owen, the CFO, and the COO

We were all in Lubbock this past weekend to celebrate Mimi's 50th birthday. Naturally, she wanted to show off her charming grandsons. We went up to her work (she is the Director of a rehab hospital) to see a few of her friends. She wasn't supposed to go in that day (Friday) but Thursday as she was walking out of the building, she was stopped by the corporate CFO and COO from Tennessee who were in town for meetings. They, of course, asked her to come in for a quick meeting Friday morning and being the big wigs, she couldn't say no. So, after her meeting we met her up there and wandered around a bit, saying hi to lots of different people. The kids started off REALLY shy and unsocial, gradually moved to just saying hi with "Mine" (their hand that they make talk when they don't want to answer), and then, after roaming around for an hour and playing with some giant balls in the rehab gym, became super-duper, not really using English anymore. Mainly just silly noises coming from each of their Mines.

As luck would have it, we ran into the same two big wigs on our way out the door so Mimi stops to introduce her charming grandsons. Guy #1 kind of leans down to say hi (as he's telling us adults about his 11 grandkids) and Owen starts walking over to him with his Mine up (but not talking). To the person not familiar with their talking hands, it might be a bit confusing as to what Owen was doing. So, Guy #1 thought he was coming over for a fist-bump and readied his fist for the bump. Of course, Owen was oblivious to this, as he was determined to physically tell Guy #1 hi with his Mine. So, past Guy #1's fist goes Mine, and Owen pecks him right in the crotch, THREE TIMES. (Peck, peck, peck)! Guy #1 continues to talk through it and pretend like nothing happened. Aaron gives a tiny chuckle to break the awkwardness, but quickly realizes no one else is acknowledging what happened, so he cuts it off. Then, Owen turns to Guy #2 to say hi to him. Evidently Guy #2 learned and was ready for it. As Owen walks over, Guy #2 has both of his hands open flat (right in front of his crotch for protection) hoping to catch a high (well, low) five instead of a peck. What does Owen do? Sneaks right past both hands and pecks Guy #2 once in the nuts. (Guy #2 should never be a goalie). Trying to make light of it, he says, "you guys can tell a dad when you see one, huh?" Owen then turned and walked towards me and I bent down and told him he is to stop doing that right now. He has NEVER done anything like that before and I honestly don't think he knew what he was pecking at. I think he was just in a goofy mood and the crotch just so happens to be eye-level to a 3 year old. I don't have bratty kids, aggressive kids, rude kids. But I can assure you, those guys are telling this story: "I met this kid today and he walked up to me and punched me in the nuts!" It makes me kind of sad because that isn't the kind of kid he his. But, at the same time, that is THE MOST embarrassed I have EVER been by one of my children to date. I mean really, Owen? The CFO AND COO?

When we got to the car I told both kids they were never to pat somebody on their pants because it could hurt their ding-ding (yes, that's what they call it). Hopefully they understand! Mimi was quite embarrassed as well, but may or may not have minded because the "quick, 15 minute meeting" that was supposed to happen at 9 didn't actually happen until 11:30. They kept her waiting around for 2.5 hours on her day off so she could speak for 15 minutes. Yes, my child did what every hard-working, chained-to-their-job, fed-up-with-red-tape-corporate-b.s. American wants to do. He punched "corporate" in the nuts. You're welcome.

[Side note: Mimi has no reason to dislike these particular guys from corporate, or the corporate influence on her job. I'm just simply playing up a funny metaphor.]